Kitty in Exile -- Part I

So, I finally did it. I moved out. Granted, this is meant to be a temporary thing. I'm giving Jason two months to see if he really wants to make the changes I need for our marriage to work. If he is unwilling, or unable, to do those things, then I guess it will be quite a bit less temporary. I honestly don't know what to expect anymore. But I know something has to change, even if it means I walk away from a 15 year relationship and 8 year marriage.

I don't know whether I'm being brave, or extremely cowardly, or what. I have a strong feeling that most of my friends never expected me to actually take this step. After all, this isn't exactly a new problem. I guess I actually did have a breaking point after all. Who knew?

Thanks to some financial assistance from my parents, I've been able to afford to rent an adorable furnished 1-bedroom apartment on the north side of Queen Anne Hill here in Seattle. Having lived in the Puget Sound area since 1994, this is actually the first time I've lived within the Seattle city limits. I guess that means I get to complain about Mayor Nickels like the rest of the Seattleites. At least I have the small comfort that I didn't vote for the man ...

I really hope it doesn't snow again. There's still a sign on the corner where the building is that says "Road Closed -- Snow Closure". Or something like that. Yeah, I'd be totally hosed living here if we got another storm like we did in December. So let's all keep our fingers crossed, 'kay?

Little by little I'm settling in. Of course, it's still strange, since none of the furnishings, decorations, or a majority of the household items are mine. I brought over a lot of my stuff -- my winter clothes, toiletries, and other little personal things. And my keyboard and a large portion of my music books. Some CDs and DVDs, and a few books.

It's strange the things you take for granted when you've been living in a place for a while. Things that are just always there, like cleaning supplies, cooking basics (salt, pepper, olive oil ... you know ...). Oh, and toilet paper. My first night here, I noticed that there was no toilet paper. So I made my first trip to the store. Just a small one. Then yesterday, I ventured out across the Ballard Bridge to hit Fred Meyer for a bigger trip. Again, lots of those household basics. Which is why $220 later, I still have very little actual food in my fridge and cupboard.

And yet, I'm feeling strangely proud of myself. I made myself a nice dinner last night -- pan fried salmon with boil-in-bag rice and steamed asparagus. There was enough left over that I had the rest of it for dinner tonight. Yum! So far it hasn't been difficult for me to keep up with cleaning up after myself. However, knowing what a lousy housekeeper I usually am, I'm wondering whether this will last. If so, that will be very telling as to the effect Jason's habits have affected me.

I've had some lonely moments too. Evenings aren't so bad, since I'd gotten used to being on my own with Jason's work and school schedule. But later at night, and around bedtime ... that's hard. I hope it gets easier. Though I must say that if anyone tells me a 30-something woman with a college degree and a good job shouldn't be sleeping with stuffed animals, I will have to kick them in the ass. Or someplace more sensitive.

I guess that's enough of my rambling for one night. I've got my 2nd callback for HMS Pinafore tomorrow. I honestly don't know what my chances are, but I'm not all that worried. Either I'll get it, or I won't. It's not like it's a dream role or dream show, though I do like working with the company. Trying to be very zen about the whole thing. I just hope whatever the outcome, they don't keep me hanging, like they did with Urinetown last year (granted, I gave up after 3 weeks, but still ...)

Meow meow!